As everyday passes,
I realise there is nothing here for me anymore. This does not stem from a sense of superiority, that I am better than this situation, or this lifestyle. Just that, there is something missing. I kept trying to find things to fill the gap, people mostly, then food, then sleep. I’m still not sure what it is.
I catch glimpses of it sometimes though, the sheer delight when India won the cricket world cup, I’ve heard so many stories of people hugging strangers, crazy fireworks and roadside parades. Flights got delayed (someone i know was flying in) and people in the airport were cheering apparently.
Or the sense of accomplishment when I rub it in my sister’s face that i can make things in the kitchen albeit lame ass mug cupcakes, or even, in the middle of an argument with a friend, the sudden realization that my numerous contradictions are proof of how innately human I am.
And although I still maintain that there is nothing here for me anymore and a giant part of me thinks i have to go to far away lands to find that missing gap, the hole in my heart, whatever you want to call it, a small part of me thinks that maybe I am holding back. That in order for me to feel truly infinite i do not need to go to far away lands or make new friends but just to embrace myself as a person, and all the kinds of wonderful I could potentially be.
And i look forward to it.
